Hey

Hey everyone. I know I promised pictures, but...I guess you can see that I haven't done it yet. Things are crazy around here. I am so tired. I remember being this way with Sydney now, but you forget that stuff. If we didn't, we wouldn't willing have more children. Sydney is hitting that hard stage. 18 months. Teething. Not to mention that we have moved and there is a new baby in the house and I am less active that she would like. The weather is sooo hot so we aren't going outside. Not that I would be up for it right now anyway. I am feeling better, but I keep crying for no reason. Ok, that isn't true. I have reasons. Most are irrational, but I never said that I was rational. I have left the house a few times. I had a panic attack before each outings. I worried that Sydney would be cranky or that Morgan would get hungry. Nursing is going ok. It is convenient, yet somehow inconvenient. I think it will get better. He is eating every 2 -3 hours right now and he isn't easy to burp so I am up for a while after each feeding. The process seems to be to feed him, hold him and try to burp him. Next, I lay him down and he starts squirming, so I pick him up and he burps. I lay him down, squirms, pick up, burps. This happens for a while. Finally, he will sleep. Then so will I. I have been watching a lot of movies during the night. I usually pick something that I have seen so I can watch part and just leave it. Conveniently, we are getting a free trial of the movie channel package with Direct TV so I have a good selection at least until I get him sleeping longer during the night.

Another emotional fear or "breakdown" that I am having is guilt/fear that the kids aren't getting the attention they need or want. I feel like Morgan just lays in his cradle all day (though he sleeps constantly anyway) and Sydney is just getting in trouble for things or playing on the floor while I sit on the couch. I am so tired that I just don't have the energy to be fun. I feel like I will never feel normal again. I have been assured that I will and that kids are very forgiving and will not remember a few hard weeks or months. I hope so.