Sleep is so last season.

So is fixing your hair, putting on make up, having a clean house, or even leaving the house. I think that today is my last attempt to try to "sleep when the baby sleeps". I can't stand those stupid books and magazines that tell you to do that. They must know that only mothers of one baby have time to read (and do) stuff like that. They leave out the suggestions for 2/+ parents because they figure that they aren't reading the magazine. Or maybe they leave us out because writing "too bad, so sad" would be just too mean.

Sydney is making too much noise on the monitor and Morgan of course wants to eat and be burped for an hour. Not much time for a nap with all that. I think that there is a purpose in the fact that babies don't do anything interesting during the first few months. We would all miss out on account of being complete zombies.

Doctor's Visit

Adam and I took Sydney and Morgan to their check ups today. For Sydney, it was her 18 month check up (a month late) and for Morgan, his two week. They had us arrive 30 minutes early to fill out 2 seconds of paperwork. So we were there for an hour and a half. If Adam hadn't been there I would have gone crazy. Sydney did not appreciate being weighed or measured for height. We forgot Morgan's paci so he was wanting that or to eat for half of the appointment. That's right! He is using a paci now to hold him off for feedings. I had suspected that he was using me a a pacifier and in turn overeating (which made him spit up). The doctor confirmed this and assured me that every three hours is an ok time between feedings for his age and size. He weighed in a 9 lbs 12 oz. Sydney was 20 lbs 8 oz. His due date passed this weekend and I wonder if he would have been this big if we had he not been born two weeks early. We rushed home for Adam to do a conference call and then I discovered that he had the plug adapter for the microwave in our room for his computer. Note to self: buy more of them. So poor tired Sydney had to eat all cold stuff for lunch and now she is in her bed - not napping. She unfortunately fell asleep for a short time on the ride home and that is just enough to make her feel like she is rested. I will make a mental note to not do double appointments next time.

Baby Doll

We bought Sydney this baby doll so she could hold and feed a baby. She is so cute with it. I think that she understands how tiring it can be to care for babies. See below.

Hey

Hey everyone. I know I promised pictures, but...I guess you can see that I haven't done it yet. Things are crazy around here. I am so tired. I remember being this way with Sydney now, but you forget that stuff. If we didn't, we wouldn't willing have more children. Sydney is hitting that hard stage. 18 months. Teething. Not to mention that we have moved and there is a new baby in the house and I am less active that she would like. The weather is sooo hot so we aren't going outside. Not that I would be up for it right now anyway. I am feeling better, but I keep crying for no reason. Ok, that isn't true. I have reasons. Most are irrational, but I never said that I was rational. I have left the house a few times. I had a panic attack before each outings. I worried that Sydney would be cranky or that Morgan would get hungry. Nursing is going ok. It is convenient, yet somehow inconvenient. I think it will get better. He is eating every 2 -3 hours right now and he isn't easy to burp so I am up for a while after each feeding. The process seems to be to feed him, hold him and try to burp him. Next, I lay him down and he starts squirming, so I pick him up and he burps. I lay him down, squirms, pick up, burps. This happens for a while. Finally, he will sleep. Then so will I. I have been watching a lot of movies during the night. I usually pick something that I have seen so I can watch part and just leave it. Conveniently, we are getting a free trial of the movie channel package with Direct TV so I have a good selection at least until I get him sleeping longer during the night.

Another emotional fear or "breakdown" that I am having is guilt/fear that the kids aren't getting the attention they need or want. I feel like Morgan just lays in his cradle all day (though he sleeps constantly anyway) and Sydney is just getting in trouble for things or playing on the floor while I sit on the couch. I am so tired that I just don't have the energy to be fun. I feel like I will never feel normal again. I have been assured that I will and that kids are very forgiving and will not remember a few hard weeks or months. I hope so.

Udpate

I promise I will post pictures tonight. Adam has them ready. He is just catching up with work right now. Last night was ok as far as sleep. He seems to want to eat all the time right now. This morning he start coughing up something funny. So I had to call the hospital nursery (you call them until your first ped's appointment) and they didn't have an answer. He has stopped now so I guess he is ok. I never experienced that with Sydney so I am left in the dark. I had hoped that we had pretty much everything figured out with already having a baby. I guess not! He is sleeping now and I think we will make it to the 3 hour mark for feeding. That is what I am shooting for right now. He may have other plans.

C-Section

I have to say that C-Sections are an easy way to have a baby. They just aren't the easiest way to do anything after that point! I had imagined that I would have the normal type delivery with the fun of anticipation of going into labor. I had all sorts of do's and don't's mentally and literally listed out for Adam and my mom to remember. When the talk of a c section started, most of that went by the way side and I started thinking and worrying about what surgery would be like. When would I see the baby? When would our family see the baby? Would I be wheeled around the hospital halls for all to see drugged up and wearing a funny hat. In the end, I decided that I couldn't control those things. They would happen how they would happen. My mom set me up with a nurse that we have known since I was a little girl (and she worked with) so I had someone that could answer all that. Yes, you can wear your contacts. Yes, you can wear socks. Sure, your family can come in the L/D room you are in after you leave and Adam can bring the baby to the room on the way to the nursery.

I made the decision that I didn't want to see anyone before the surgery. I was trying to have a good experience and avoid panicking. I knew that if someone came in to say hello or give a "you'll be fine" I would start crying and believe that I would never make it out to see my family again. I think I made the right decision. The morning was relaxing and I was excited to get started. I had to actually walk across the hall to the OR in my gown and funny hat and though I didn't see anyone I know, there were construction workers at the end of the hall on the outside that could see in through a window! Oh well!

I have to say that the recovery from the surgery has been what I expected. People said that it wouldn't be that bad and others said that it would be. I think it hits somewhere in between with a little more on the bad side during the night. Maneuvering in and out of bed is the hardest part. We are still recovering from the move so Adam is a little out of it during the night, but he willingly gets up to hand me the baby after a few nudges and repeating his name about 3 times.

Recovery

We are home. We actually came home on Wednesday. The doctor let us come home a day early. I was trying very hard to do everything I was supposed to do to have an optimum recovery and to get home early. We succeeded and I have to say that I was glad to leave that hospital bed. The only good purpose it served was to act as a crane for me as I lifted and lowered myself while sitting on the side of the bed. The nurses were great. They didn't come in an bother us during the night. Adam stayed with me the two night I was there. We did send the baby to the nursery at night and they would bring him to me when we appeared hungry. I say appeared because he really would sleep all the time and never eat. This was discouraging to me (to say the least) as I am trying to nurse him.

As an update to the coming home outfit, I am pleased to announce that it was found in the garage in a plastic bin on top of an extra refrigerator. The entire family was looking for it on Tuesday night and it was finally found by Adam's father who probably has the best few of tops of refrigerators of anybody being as tall as he is (and he was also the last to see the outfit during the move so he was able to sense where it was). So Morgan wore the outfit home and pooped in it on the way home so no pictures were taken. We did get video of Sydney greeting her brother. She leaned down to him while he was in his carrier and told him all sorts of things. Probably things about how the house is run and which are the best toys and what he can and can't touch of hers. She seemed to want to share with him right away so I think we are off to a good start. He was wide awake during that time and has pretty much slept constantly since then. Sydney has been super sweet and cute, but I am sorry to say that she seems more grown up since we left for the hospital.

I think I can say that we are having a good experience, but I do think that the move (only one week prior to the birth) has presented most of the challenges. The house is pretty together, but I am not used to where things are and there are a few things that still need to be unpacked and organized. Sydney doesn't seem to play in her room as much as she did in Clinton. I think it is a proximity thing. We have a wonderful den or family room (whatever you call it) and we spend most of our time in there. Sydney has been greeting visitors for the past few days and nights. It has been fun having people drop in. I think that living "in town" has brought more of that and we love it.

Adam and I are already exhausted, but we have had both of our moms helping us at home the past few days and it makes it easier. We have been waking Morgan to eat because he lost weight before leaving the hospital. We had our 2 day check up and found that he is back up in weight so we don't have to wake him at night anymore (just wait for him to wake and want to nurse). That is a relief, though you know he will demand it every two house now just for the fun of it.

More later.

Pictures

We will get more pictures on the blog as soon as we can. Here are a few.

This is Adam right before he came into the operating room. I think when this was being taken, I was saying "where is Adam" (they were beginning the surgery.) The nurse looked in the hall and said "hang on he is having his picture taken". Um, I can't breathe in here and I am panicking! And don't forget, there's a baby in here waiting to get his picture taken!!!!!
I don't know why Sydney looks so grown up in this picture, but doesn't she? She is such a baby in person. This was taken Monday night. She was very excited to see the baby. She still has no idea what is going on, but she has been having fun with family staying with her (and I am sure all the attention). She is holding the baby's hand. She likes holding hands.

Introducing...

Stewart Morgan White
August 6, 2007
9:20 AM
8 lbs 1 oz
20 3/4 inches

Anticipation

Sometimes I wonder if I compartmentalize my feelings before big events. I wonder if I miss out on savoring the moment by turning off my emotions so I am prepared for things to go wrong. Sometimes it is a survival mechanism. Like with Sydney, we had a 24 hour period to get through until we could breathe so we just zoned out. At least that is the best way to describe it. What can you do about things going wrong (even the small stuff, like being delayed or something like that)? I think I have learned that it is best to just go with the flow and take some chances. For instance, I wish I could go back and tell myself that Syd would be ours so the first time I held her I could have really felt what I wanted to feel. What would that have been like? To fully enjoy a moment. We had our moment, but just not that one.

I am going to try to go into this tomorrow without any fear and completely trusting in God and his will. How can I lose? At best, I will fully enjoy the moment and remember it the way I would want to. Millions get a spinal. Millions have c sections. I am not unique in that. Only how I view or handle my experience is unique. There. I am in control of something.

Ok, so I am sure I won't sleep tonight. I can't imagine just putting the computer away and turning over and going to sleep. I first must drink all of my water before midnight. I did just have a light snack. I think I will be ok as long as I can live with having one of Sydney's cheese sticks as the last food for the next 36 hours (I am guessing). Adam says he will not have any trouble sleeping. I will focus on pointless things like the fact that I can find my ipod. This is what ipod are made for and now I can't find it. He just looked in the car, but it isn't his ipod that is missing so I don't believe he REALLY looked. I want to go myself now. I will see if he will let me. Ok, we are both going. I will be back. Ok, found it. Not in the car, but on a book shelf. Now I can't find the his coming home outfit. I had it at my mom's with my hospital bag when we stayed there. I bet I left it, but she won't get out of bed and look. It is only 11 PM! I am sure it is in her room. She could at least cut on a light and look around from the bed. Am I being insensitive?

That settles it, I am going to get up early and repack the baby's bag. I don't feel that I have the cutest stuff going to the hospital. I just realized that I plan to nurse and I haven't read a thing on it. Not a thing. Oh well. You always forget something.

I guess I will just lay in bed, watch TV and try to feel him kicking for one of the last times (inside my stomach at least).

Until tomorrow....

Closer and closer

Have I mentioned how many babies are going to be born to people we know in the next month? There are quite a few 5 or so. One friend was going to be induced the day after my c section, but she went into labor this morning and had the baby on its due date. I think only about three percent of babies are born on their due date. Sydney was born on hers too. Today, I tried to stay off my feet and this afternoon Calen ran errands with me and Sydney. Sydney needed to get out and I needed help lifting heavy stuff at Walmart. That's right, it was my first Walmart trip since moving. You all know how much I just love Walmart. We chose the Madison Walmart today. I liked it, but I will have to learn the new set up. It didn't feel as crowded as some, which I appreciated. I had my last experience with the Countyline Walmart this past weekend.

We have been busy trying to get things marked off our list. It feels like every time we work in a room we basically just end up junking up another room. The kitchen I can no longer ignore. It is the biggest problem. There are boxes and piles of trash and the floor is sticky from something. Every time I turn around there is the dog and Sydney and then I keep bumping into stuff sticking out from the counters. Ahhh! It is driving me crazy. You would think that I would know by now that my stomach is sticking out and I can't squeeze through the same spaces I could before. Last night at dinner I kept assalting my poor brother every time I got out of my chair to hit the sushi buffet. I just need to be locked up for the next 3 days.

We have a date!

Monday, August 6th will be the day! I am sure most people know this by now, but I had to post it. I will be having a c-section that morning. Hopefully on time, but you know how that goes. I am trying to come up with a nice meal to have on Sunday night that will keep me full through Monday morning. I am a breakfast eater so it will be hard to not wake up to something. Even water! I think that is crazy. My mouth is always so dry in the morning, so I am hoping that everything will be on time so I can have something drink asap or that I won't care that I haven't had anything after it is over.

What is really funny about desperation is that you will agree to or except just about anything. A month ago I had all kinds of questions about the c section and what would happen and how it would go. Can I have visitors in the recovery room? What kind of pain medicine will I get? Will I know what I am being given before it is given? Will I care? Yesterday, I was in so much pain (I am guessing from the pressure of a big baby and me standing too much during the move) that I had to hold back tears before the doctor came in because I was afraid that she was going to say that she wanted to wait another week. I also know that all pregnant women have some kind of pain(s) so I felt stupid complaining or acting like I have the worse ever. To my surprise they did another ultrasound to check the baby's "practice breathing" and other stuff. They did give us a weight estimate (though not as accurate at the end we have a good track record of weights so it is pretty trustworthy). 8.8 No, that isn't a score. It is the weight at 37 weeks and 3 days. So, I told the doctor of my issues and after leaving the room a minute while the nurse rechecked my blod pressure, she returned with a c section date. Just what I wanted. A decision. A date. Something to tell me when this will end and whole new phase of pain and tiredness will begin. I am just looking for something new I guess. Of course, she gently said that a c section was what she felt was the way to go and I readily agreed and didn't bother with any of my questions. What does it matter anyway? I didn't have to beg that it be earlier. She picked a day that gave me time to get the house in order and run errands (or have someone do them). I didn't cry (though I think I was teary) in front of her. I felt relief knowing when. She already had a time worked out. No food after midnight and we don't have to be there until 7 AM. She wants me to stay off my feet until then to control the pain I am having. I am really trying.

We are really excited, but there is tons to do. Last night, a group of friends and family (well, I should just say family, because that is what they are when they are willing to root through your junk and make sense of it...among other things). We now have den unpacked and put away and the pantry items are within reach. This makes things a lot easier. I have a list of things to do today though I don't know how that falls in with the stay off your feet plan. I am going to go get a microwave for sure and the rest (drop off modem to comcast, return babies r us stuff, have extra keys made, buy a crib mattress and find cradle sheets, stop by Baptist to check out the hospital rooms in case I get a choice of the double room which is good for closing off visitors while you are doing baby and hospital stuff or the executive room which has a nicer look and feel to it). I am sure the list goes on but that is the list for today.